The World

I feel that I am a good person trying to grow up in an evil world. With each step I take, I am asked to change a part of who I am. For the most part, I've been refusing to change or conform - I don't want to let go of who I really am. But sometimes, it feels like the good person gets the short end of the stick... and gets steps all over. Yes, I am too nice to people sometimes. Yes, I don't know to confront people. But I don't see a problem in it yet. I'm not as nice to everyone. I am mean/apathetic to those I do not like... and I won't necessarily go out of my way for those I do like. I've learned how to say "no" if being confronted but I'm also someone who won't usually bring something up first if I don't want to talk about it even though it is something that is obviously an issue (unless it's a dating/relationship thing because if I don't talk about it, it will eat at me).

This actually applies to a number of guys who have shown interest in my in the past year or so (a sudden spike in guys interested in me makes me feel very awkward - I... don't know what to do)... if I know that a guy is interested in me, then I definitely won't bring it up unless he tries to say something to me. I haven't been pushed to the level where I tell the other person to stop and mostly I just ignore the other person if they get on my nerves. I hope that I don't lead any guys on through my actions because I really am just a nice person. So if you are reading this and I have not said anything to you in the recent past about liking you, I'm sorry... I don't like you like that.

A lot of people think I am all happiness and sunshine and for the most part I am... but I also don't let people see the serious side of me. What I enjoy the most is not partying or clubbing or drinking. It's being able to be comfortable with those who are around me and talking. While I do joke around a lot, I sometimes believe that it is a defense mechanism to keep people from getting too close or taking me too seriously.

Movies:

I don't believe I see the world the same as everyone else. While I am attracted to high saturation of color... I am also attracted to the dark and morbid... to the unconventional and the weird (Think Tim Burton, Park Chan Wook movies and storylines). Sure, a lot of people believe the image created here is "cool" or "interesting" but I believe that they are all so breathtakingly beautiful and perfect in their imperfections. I don't know if other people have such an attraction to high contrast between light and dark, color and de-saturation or even to the morbid storylines. While I like having structure and planning in my life, I like my movies to break those bounds. If you've seen ANY Park Chan Wook movies you'd understand what I'm saying here.