Determination

How much determination is a good thing and how much is a bad thing? In life, most things are not based on a single choice but a series of choices through multiple people. If getting what you want falls down this path, how much should you really try if there are roadblocks in your way? How long until it becomes annoying, unnecessary, or a waste of time? You see this often when it comes to jobs... if you don't push for your career will it ever become where you want it to be? That boss who doesn't notice you so you push your way to his attention. The kid who sits in the back holding his stapler not really enjoying his job but not willing to change things. How about love or dating? Some people find determination appealing while others just find it annoying... (however, it always works on women in the movies for some reason. It wouldn't work for me unless the guy was super awesome, too bad the ones who are like this in real life are never the ones I want to date.) Should you be determined in getting that guy or girl? I'm trying to follow my heart, but so many things get in the way!!

I'd like to think that I am a determined person most of the time... sometimes I'm scared to speak up or am stubborn, but these are all slowly changing. I need to learn that it's difficult to make a mistake in my field. There is no wrong way to be creative. There is no wrong way to be expressive. There is ugly art, but it is still art. There are unconventional ways to do things but it doesn't make it wrong.

I don't know how to get to where I want to go - an awesome career, a family - but I have to be determined in order to get it. I don't believe things will just fall into your lap. I don't want a fortune. I just want to be happy, content with my life, and loved.

It feels almost like people don't care about being happy anymore. All people care about it money. Every time I turn around someone is talking about their scheme to get rich. Sure, we all want to have everything "cool" and "new" and we want our children to have what we didn't. We want them to have the opportunities we never had growing up, but a little hard work won't kill them. I don't want to have everything handed to my kids on a silver platter because they won't learn like that. What children need most isn't new fancy toys... but family.

I am younger than my oldest sister by a lot so she wasn't a part of my life growing up. It even feels like my family has been in separate places most of my life. I really wonder what it's like to have a real family again. I feel like a lot of people can't understand what it's like to long for a complete family... I'm not talking about divorce, my parents are still together... but just to have everyone in one place again. It literally feels impossible. As someone who puts family first, it is heartbreaking.