Stillness

Life overall has not been making any progessions towards anything greater. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I've never had to deal with this much stress or had to hold in this much anger before in my life. I know that it isn't good for me to hold this kind of stuff in but I just can't handle having what I say be completely ignored so I might as well just say nothing at all.

I don't think people realize how different I am right now. I can't say that I'm depressed because there are definitely times when I am happy. I'm happy when I'm able to let go and be free and when I'm... with you, but honestly... I miss being the person I used to be. People used to come to me for comfort. Now, I have no one to go to because no one is there to really listen to me. When it comes to most people, I don't even want to open up to them because I don't want them to judge me. I have secrets I'm not able to tell people because of obligations to myself and to my family... I don't know who I can go to anymore.

The few people who know about my problems... most I feel are not truly listening to me when I talk. I can pour my heart out for them, but still... I recieve nothing in return. No one wants to hear that their heartache is for nothing. That nothing can be done. That all you can do is sit and wait for your world to fall apart. I want to cry so badly but I have to be strong for myself and for my family. I wish people wouldn't be so quick to assume or to judge.

I don't want to say all the wrong people are falling for me... but just that the right person for me right now isn't.